The Thing About Vulnerability

I’ve been doing some thinking lately, and here’s the thing about being vulnerable… You’re completely vulnerable.

I know. I’m really breaking some new ground here. But just hang with me.

It’s just so counterintuitive to be vulnerable in our society today. In fact, we often take extremely great care to insure that we are not left vulnerable. If you don’t believe me, take a quick look at the insurance industry. There’s insurance for just about anything and everything you could ever possibly need – your car, your phone, your life, your home, you pets, your health, your boat, your snowmobile… You need it, you name it, and someone somewhere is willing to insure it. But there is one thing you won’t find an insurance policy on: your heart. Your physical heart falls under health or medical insurance, yes. But the core of who you are, the part of you that feels joy, sadness, pain or peace, that heart doesn’t come with insurance. It’s left vulnerable.

I believe there is a reason for this. But before we get there, let me share a few other thoughts.

We work diligently to protect our hearts. Proverbs 4:23 even states, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” It’s clear we are not to leave our hearts unattended. They are valuable and should be treated as such. But there’s something specifically Proverbs says that can be so easily misconstrued. It commands us to guard it. And my question is from what?

There is a quote by Elizabeth Kubler Ross that has absolutely captivated me. She says,

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”

And I have indeed found this to be true. I’m not implying that you require deep pain and affliction before you can be considered beautiful. I take full confidence that Ross isn’t implying that either. I believe the point is the vulnerability. The point is that the pain is not what they fear.

Could it be that in an effort to guard our hearts, we’ve misunderstood the enemy? Could it be that we are to guard our hearts more from what we put in it than what we keep out? Let me explain that last question a little better. I think sometimes we focus on the wrong things. We often look to keep out the pain of heartbreak, the fear of rejection, and the emptiness of loss that all too frequently occur when life doesn’t turn out the way we had hoped. And while I would never suggest someone pursue rejection or loss, I don’t believe they are the greatest enemies of our hearts. Bitterness, unjust anger, lust, and pride – just to name a few – are the true enemies of our hearts. They are what will dilute the wellspring of life. They are the reactions we all too frequently respond with as a result of pain, rejection and loss. And let me briefly add they are not our only options.

But lets get back to my previous questions… Why is vulnerability so important? What is the true value in being vulnerable?

Because in our moments of greatest vulnerability, we are reflecting the image of God in one of its purest forms. Think of the vulnerability of our God. He loves us selflessly and has already given us the greatest gift. And STILL we have choice. He knows the end, that not all will choose to come to Him and STILL He opens Himself up for rejection, for pain, for loss and for heartbreak.

God does not choose to be vulnerable so that we can hurt Him. Instead He chooses to be vulnerable in spite of the fact that we may do so. The point is that the possibility of pain does not cause Him to fear.

There is nothing wrong with buying insurance. By all means, insure your home, your cars and your health. But remember that maybe not all things need insurance. And maybe that is the point.

How Do You Pray?

Coming into the final semester for my senior year of college, I was overwhelmed with the stresses and responsibilities of graduating. While I am fully aware of the success rate of the billions of people that have graduated college before me, let me also point out that I am facing a lot of the same questions, doubts, anxieties and realities that they too have had to face.

I’ve spent a considerable amount of time in prayer lately asking God to provide for me, to lead me to the right job, to know the right path to take, and to open the right doors for me. But the last few days the Lord has been stirring something new in me.

As mentioned in my previous posts, I had a difficult summer in which I regularly had to wrestle a lot of my core fears. Each day I would write out my fears and match each one to a promise the Lord had given me. Because it worked so well I had decided to do something similar as I walked through this season leading up to graduation. I’d only been working through this process for about a week when the Lord showed me that I was praying the wrong prayers.

Let me make a side note here and explain what I mean by the wrong prayers. It wasn’t that I was wrong for praying, or even for praying those prayers. Rather, by praying those prayers I was opening up the conversation for the Lord to direct me in this season. And in doing so, he changed my perspective on how to pray.

He has promised to provide for me. He has promised me that He is good. He has proven to me His faithfulness, and I know His character to be everlasting. Still, I was anxious. So rather than praying and reminding Him of all of His promises to me, He asked me to pray that I would let Him teach me how to rely on Him. It’s not an issue of whether or not I will be provided for. It’s an issue of whether or not I will wait patiently on Him and His timing. It’s not an issue of His faithfulness, but rather my trusting in His faithfulness.

The issue is not Him, it’s me. The question is not, “Will He provide?” but rather, “Do I have what it takes to let Him?”

It’s a scary place. And it’s a very real question. What if I still don’t know what I’m doing by graduation? What if things don’t pan out the way I truly desire them to? What if things look differently than I thought they would? What if they aren’t everything I imagined or dreamed?

Like most things of value, this requires not a solitary decision but a process filled with millions of momentary decisions. It’s choosing His peace over my anxiety, releasing control and RESTING in the fact that it is not in my hands.

I’m not suggesting that we should no longer ask God to provide for us. To my friend with cancer, she should continue praying for healing. To the family member seeking restoration with a loved one, continue asking. Keep praying for the salvation of your close friend or family member. Continue asking Him to lead and guide you and to make your path clear before you. But consider also the prayer of patience for His timing. Consider what it would look like for Him to answer your prayers in His way instead of our own.

Remember that He transcends our logic, our timelines, our concepts of goodness and what is best. He IS wisdom. He IS provision. He IS goodness. He IS what is best. The only remaining question: Do we have what it takes to let Him be these things?

Jim Elliot Said It Best

There's a quote by Jim Elliot that says, "Wherever You are, be all there." I've been wrestling with how to handle my present circumstances as I wait for my dreams of a family of my own to come to fruition. Let me pause here to explain that living on Evangel's campus is like being trapped in a Hallmark movie at all times always. There are jokes that are consistently floating around campus to the effect of "a ring by spring," or "people looking for an MRS. Degree." And it makes the challenge of setting down your dreams of marriage and waiting patiently on the Lord's timing feel like it just "leveled up."

I spoke with a friend the other day who mentioned that she is really focusing on being present. It is the last semester of her college career and while she is so very ready for the next season of her life to begin, she is trying her best to enjoy today rather than wishing it away.

I spoke with the wife of the senior pastor at my church here in Springfield within a day of talking with the friend mentioned above. She was giving me some advice to tuck away for when I have a family of my own. She encouraged me to enjoy every season of my children as they will grow up far to quickly on their own. I began to realize even in that moment that in order for this to be a reality in my future, I need to begin to do this today, in this season. It starts with where I am right now.

As I was sitting in our evening chapel service during Spiritual Emphasis week, I was asking the Lord to help me to live in the present. My dreams of a spouse and children are wonderful, but there is something even now that He has for me. There is purpose in this season and aspects about it that are unique to my singleness alone.

As a daily reminder to remain in the present, to be where I am and be all there, I've decided to stop wearing the promise ring my parents bought me as a young girl. It was a symbol of the promise I decided to make to remain pure until marriage. In choosing not to wear it, I haven't suddenly determined to become sexually active or even to change any of my standards. Rather, I realized that after marriage I will never be without a ring on at least one of my fingers (specifically my left ring finger) ever again.

Every time I reach for my finger to adjust the ring I once wore there, or each time I look down and see both hands without a ring, I am reminded that this season will not last for long and that there is purpose and opportunity that is unique to this season alone. And let me tell you that I am reminded at least ten times each day... Before the end of my first class.

The Lord is helping me to understand that though my dreams are good and God-honoring, I need to manage them so they do not distract from the purposes of the present. Let me share that again... Manage your dreams so they don't become a distraction from your present purposes.

Will the dreams go away or even diminish because you've decided to focus your attention elsewhere? No. But there is a balance we need to be aware of so that we remember the purposes of the season we are still in. Don't miss the opportunities of the now, for we aren't guaranteed to remain in them for tomorrow.

It is frustrating and difficult to manage my dreams rather than choosing to wish that my circumstances were different. It is easier to be upset that God's perfect and Heavenly-minded timing doesn't align with my earth-minded preferences. I often wish I didn't battle questions of insecurity, of being too much of something or not enough of another, wondering if my situation would be different if I were more (fill in the blank). I wish I didn't have to battle the discontentment that comes with waiting on the fruition of a dream. It's easier to be frustrated by my circumstances than to manage my dreams in the waiting period. But I rest in the knowledge that upon looking back I will be far more grateful for the times that I chose to manage my dreams than the times I allowed them to distract me from the opportunities in the present.

Like everything else in life, it's a process. We won't always be successful in each attempt. And that's okay. But I encourage you to claim the victories and celebrate the successes rather than focusing on the lack.

What Do You Answer To?

We have this thing called Spiritual Emphasis Week at my university. It's the second week of each semester where we set aside extra time to spend with the Lord corporately as a campus. We have at least three, sometimes four additional chapels to the three normally scheduled each week. It's something I consistently anticipate and thoroughly enjoy. Before I begin I must ask you to forgive the somewhat scatterbrained thoughts in this post. It is late and I am in a hurry to get to bed, but I felt prompted to share.

I felt the Lord quieting my spirit tonight and beckoning my heart to his. I kept hearing His still, gentle voice patiently requesting that I trust Him.

When you think you've already entrusted everything to Him, it can get quite obnoxious to hear Him only repeating the same request. You're ready to move up and move on because you feel like the challenge was not only already accepted but accomplished!

Yet still He petitioned me.

It wasn't until later tonight as, swept back into the chaotic life of a senior in college, I began to find myself anxious about my future! It took three full hours for me to hear Him whisper through the noise and business of the evening that He still desired I would trust Him.

Talk about a wake up call. Leaving things at the alter only works if you remember to leave them there when you walk out.

I've become very comfortable in trusting Him with many of the smaller challenges. This semester, no problem. The seemingly insurmountable gap between where my finances are currently and where I would prefer to see them, manageable. The different struggles and circumstances I will not only have to face and walk through but also overcome as an RA on my floor this year, totally doable. But the big things like a job I find fulfillment in as I leave the educational world and launch out into the world of careers... Intimidating. Trusting Him to provide me with a husband that I not only choose but will also choose me back... Scary. Not understanding how some of these dreams and desires that He's placed inside of me could ever come to fruition... Absolutely mind boggling.

It was at this point that we began to address the root of some of these fears. Yes, at the core it is a trust issue. But why? What is causing me to doubt His ability to be faithful to me? Why do I fear the fact that my definition of good and His may not always be identical?

And then it hit me. I've been spending my time comparing. It's much less a fear that I am unable to attain some of the things that I've watched in others' lives. I am confident that I am capable of a great marriage, of being a good mother to my children, of having a successful and fulfilling career for whatever amount of time I spend in the full time workforce. The issue was a comparison with the lives of those I didn't desire. What happens if I don't have a job post graduation? What happens if my great marriage doesn't begin until I'm 45? What if... (you fill in the blank)?

Understand me here. It's natural for us to compare ourselves to the lives of those around us. It's in our nature to do so. It doesn't mean for a second that we ought to be doing it, that it's healthy for us, or that we should be doing it. But all of us, at one point or another, have compared something in ourselves to that of another. And this was just my dilemma.

See, I'm not any of those people - good or bad. I'm me. I'm Chelsea Renee VanderVlucht. And I need to look at my future in light of this reality. He has my story. Will it all turn out exactly like I prefer? Maybe not. In fact, I'm quite certain it probably won't. But it's my story, not anyone else's. It's mine alone to claim. And it is not just my right, but my honor to take ownership of it. I can trust Him, because He's already got it. And it's a story unlike any others.

I need to take the pressure off not only myself, but my Creator. It's a story that is already written but so very unknown to me yet. It's an adventure, but it's my adventure to enjoy, to participate in, to learn from, and to live. No one else gets my story. No one. I may meet many along my journey with similar experiences, dreams, or chapters. But my story remains unique to me.

I read a blogpost a few weeks ago written by one of the girls on my floor as a part of the Insecurely Movement. In it she described one of her youth leaders in high school. Each time this girl saw this youth leader, she was reminded out loud who she was.

A Warrior Princess, Bride to the King of the Universe.

... Just let that sink in for a second.

 My story is my own. And I will choose to stand confident in who I am and where He will lead me, because I remember that He calls me out each day by name: Chelsea VanderVlucht, Christ Follower, Warrior Princess, Bride to the King of the Universe. Will I wake up tomorrow morning and need to remind myself of this all over again? Most definitely. I'm embarrassed to even make a guess at the number of times I'll need to do this again even before lunch. But I will do it. Because what I know in my head is what I desire to have so rooted in my heart that every thought, every movement and every word is an overflow of this realization of my identity.

Community Obedience, Personal Conviction, Individual Preferences

I’ve been doing some deep reflecting lately about what I’m looking for out of life and about the stand I take on a variety of controversial issues. I can’t say that I’ve solved all the world’s problems or eliminated the need for debate, but I have come to a few conclusions that I would like to share.

As Christians we use the Bible as our standard of truth. It is our source of direction and guidance as we navigate life and its challenges. Still within the Christian community, I have heard a wide variety of opinions on subjects like homosexuality, alcohol, divorce, abortion and the roles of a husband and wife in marriage. What I’m about to share with you does not justify anyone’s opinion or argument. It is important to recognize that the validity of any belief system needs to be held against the Word of God alone. When you stand before God one day He will hold you accountable for what you have researched, prayed through and found true, not what I’ve told you. With that said…

I believe there is a difference between community Biblical obedience, personal conviction and individual preferences. I’m not suggesting there is more than one truth or that we can pick and choose what we will obey within the Bible. I simply mean that there is a difference between each one of these terms, and I’ve found that a lack of understanding for these concepts has been cause for much confusion and even dissension among believers.

So what do I mean by community Biblical obedience, personal conviction and individual preferences? Well I’m so glad you asked.

First I’ll address Community Biblical Obedience. There are many universal commands in the Bible. These are standards that everyone is to obey as a follower of Christ. For example, the 10 Commandments are for all of us. There’s no debate on that. And I think we could all agree on this. I’ve found the confusion and debate often comes when one doesn’t consider the context of the verse. Let’s look at 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 as an example, “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” The context of the verse refers specifically to sexual immorality. Read the surrounding chapters and verses if you don’t believe me. I’ve heard people use this verse as reason that Christians shouldn’t drink, smoke or get tattoos. I’m getting a little ahead of myself, but the point is that each verse of instruction, in it’s original context, is to be obeyed by the entire community of believers. We are all to abstain from sexual immorality because our bodies are a temple of the Holy Spirit. We are commanded to honor Him, in this way, with our bodies.

Lets move on to Personal Conviction. There are specific things the Lord will ask individual believers to refrain from. Often people will quote specific scriptures as the basis for their personal convictions. One such verse is the one I listed above from 1 Corinthians. The original context was speaking specifically to sexual immorality. Does that mean that you cannot apply it beyond that verse to include consuming too much sugar, tobacco, alcohol, or caffeine? No. But those are now at the point of personal convictions. To require the entire community of believers to abide by this standard using this verse as the Biblical basis is to take the scripture out of context.

Let me make it perfectly clear that I am not making a statement about whether or not you should smoke tobacco. I’m not telling you that you should never drink another Starbucks. And I’m not implying you should drink them daily either. The point is context, context, context. There is a difference between universal commands and personal convictions. If the Lord has asked you to abide by a personal conviction and you choose not to, I believe you are being disobedient. I’m simply saying that because He’s spoken that to you it does not give you the right to impose this standard on a fellow brother or sister. It is a personal conviction, not a command for community standards.

And lastly there is personal preference. This has much less to do with support for an argument and everything to do with what you want. For example, I may not believe that chewing tobacco is a moral issue. I may have already prayed through it on the level of community obedience and personal conviction. I still reserve the right not to want to kiss someone who chews if I think it’s a gross habit. That does not make me a bad person; it does not mean I am judging someone who chooses to do so. It is strictly a personal preference. Likewise, if I don’t want my child to grow up inhaling second hand smoke, I reserve the right to stay away from places or people that will smoke around my kid. I’m not a bad person for addressing a clinically proven health issue. It’s simply a personal preference.

I want you to know that we do not get to choose which categories our quandaries fall under. If you come across an issue you don’t understand you must do your due diligence to filter through each “level”. If it is a matter of community Biblical obedience, you do not get to qualify it as a personal preference and call it a day. If it is a personal conviction, you cannot hold it against another follower of Christ as an issue of community obedience. The Lord will make His Word clear to us if only we ask Him to. Spend time in His word. Learn more about the context of the verses we so frequently commit to memory. And remember to be gracious to those around you. When they stand before God, they will be held accountable for their decisions. It is not your place to do so. I know I have more than plenty to worry about in myself to be so occupied with the choices of others. Please remember to keep this balance in your own life as well. There are far too many people on this earth that have never known His love to be so completely consumed with issues like these.

First the Lord

I took some time a few nights ago to simply abide in the Lord and I’ll tell you that I’ve yet to regret every time I’ve made the opportunity to make this happen. I was talking with Him about my heart, about my future family, and asking Him to prepare me for all that He has for me. So He began to reveal something to me about my heart.

I have been blessed with an incredibly amazing earthly father. My dad is my number one fan, an incredible support to me, an excellent sounding board for all my crazy thoughts and ideas, and the greatest earthly covering and protector my heart has yet to know. He is not perfect, but he gives me his absolute best. We’ve spent a lot of time lately talking about relationships, about what I’m looking for in a spouse, about what it looks like to be pursued, etc. My dad has taught me more about the way a man desires to be respected, to be trusted to provide, and how it is truly a good man’s intention to protect his wife and his family. He has told me that one of the very best things I can do someday in my marriage is to give my husband the benefit of the doubt. This does not mean that my husband will be perfect or that there will not come times that I’ll have to communicate ways my heart has been hurt. But this does mean that when I come to him, it would honor him for me to remember that he did not try to hurt me, that his ultimate goal is to protect me, and that he didn’t do this intentionally.

As I was spending time with the Lord that night He began to reveal to me that in order for me to be successful in this concept with my husband someday, I must first be able to trust Him like this. It was revolutionary and completely brilliant! If I cannot trust my Savior to provide for me, to protect me, to have my best interest in mind, and to love me unconditionally I will never be able to do this with an imperfect human. And that’s okay that no human will get it perfect. I will not be perfect either. But my God is true and constant. He will never fail me. It will not always feel this way, and I won’t always be able to see the big picture in the difficult moments. And yet, I can know and trust in His character.

This extends beyond trust. If I do not believe the voice of the Lord when He speaks to my heart of value, of beauty, or the way He cherishes me, then how can I expect to believe it myself or when another person tells me? If I cannot forgive God for the times that it feels that I was held out on, I will have extreme difficulty forgiving others. If I cannot accept the love of my perfect King, I will never be able to rest in the love of a friend, of a husband, or of a family member.

This is not a one time fix. It’s not a quick fix either. Often we don’t believe these things because we’ve been told otherwise. If we’re really being honest, there isn’t a person on this earth without baggage of some kind. My guess is you’ve already had some of yours brought to the forefront of your mind in the time it took you to read to this point. There are some of us with more baggage than others, but we all carry or have carried it at some point.

I encourage you to ask of the Lord for healing. Request restoration. I promise you it is His desire to bring it to you. If you don’t believe me, check out the Bible. It’s not only the overall theme but interwoven into every single story. It’s the journey of freedom.

Tough Love

My previous post eloquently described my new profound knowledge of Moses’ wisdom in the wilderness. I regret to admit it only took me about 36 hours before the luster of my enlightenment had faded completely and I was ready to be through with my wilderness. Let me pause here to give major props to Moses for his patience. I didn’t last two full days leading myself before I was ready to be all done, and Moses made it forty years leading a grumbling peoples. Moses wins.

Now let us back up to where we left off in the last post… I was decidedly remaining with the Lord, wherever He determined to be. And if that meant the wilderness, then so be it.

But then I began to wonder why of all the places in the world the Lord would choose the wilderness? Why couldn’t we then walk hand in hand to the promised land? What God who loves me, cherishes me, protects me and has my best interest in mind would then determine to simply camp out in the wilderness?! Where is the goodness in that?

… It’s here that I’ll inform you that I write a lot. It’s primarily because I think a lot. And sometimes I will think so quickly that I neglect to remember to pause for listening. So to help this unfortunate imperfection, I write. It forces my thoughts to slow down just long enough to let God interrupt me and respond. It’s a wonderful little system He and I have going and if you’re looking for some ideas, that might be a good place to start.

It was while I was writing all these realizations about how not good a good God felt that He stopped me and asked me to contemplate something. When your child comes home from school and tells you that another kid in their class has been picking on them, your first reaction is probably to march yourself into that school the next day and give the little twerp who hurt your kid a good lesson. If they haven’t already figured it out, you’re going to tell them how fantastic your kid is, how they don’t deserve to be picked on, and how you’re going to make sure that their mother finds out about their poor behavior. But even without kids of my own, I am fully aware that is not always the best solution to the problem. As a parent, you can’t fight all your child’s battles for them. You can encourage them, love them, and give them suggestions or advise about how to handle it, but you cannot always save the day in the way you would prefer most to do so. At some point, your kids have to learn to fight their own battles. And while it may be difficult to watch your kid experience discomfort or pain, you know it is for their betterment. As a parent you can see the big picture.

It was at this point that I began to see what the Lord was up to. I was picking up what He was putting down... He was the parent, and I was the kid. And while it may feel like I am being held out on, like I’m not being provided for or protected like I ought to by my Dad, He can see the big picture. And while this pain still doesn’t feel like it has purpose, or like I couldn’t have learned some of these same things in far different ways, it is preparing me for something He wants to do through me. And whatever that is, I’ll have needed this season in the wilderness to be ready.

Does that make this season any easier? No. Does it add a little more purpose and understanding to it? I think so. My prayer is that it will do the same for you.