Grey Dots And Gold Stars

My mom used to read my sister and I a bedtime story each night before we went to sleep. One she frequently read to us was a book by Max Lucado entitled “You Are Special.” The premise of this book was about a town of little wooden people who spent their days sticking stickers on all of the other little wooden people. If you were talented or beautiful or smart, people would give you a gold star. But if you were clumsy or your paint was chipped and your wood was scratched, people would give you a grey dot. The story follows this little wooden person who is terribly sad about all of the grey dots he’s been given. He was so upset about it that he would try so very hard to stay inside so that no one would see him and give him another dot!

Well, one day he met a girl who didn’t have any dots or stars. He was curious about how this could be, so he followed her to find out why. It turns out she went each day to see the woodcarver who lived on a hill just above the town of wooden people. He reminded her each time she went to see him that he had made her with intentionality and with love. The result was that regardless of what the wooden people thought of her, the stickers they tried to give her (of either kind) just wouldn’t stick!

If you want to find out what happened to our new little friend, you can feel free to read the book yourself. What I want to talk about right now is this concept of labels and names that we claim over our lives.

After looking at this book, I think everyone would agree that we shouldn’t claim lies over our lives. I think everyone would agree that positive self-talk really can make a difference. I think everyone would agree that speaking good things over our lives and having encouragement is vitally important.

Well, what about those really rough days? What about those days, weeks, or even months that we feel worthless, unloved, taken advantage of, cheated, lonely, or just downright awful? What if someone else really believes that we are some or all of those things? What if we really believe that we are those things?

I’ve had a few life events recently that have really done a number on my heart. It’s left me feeling at times that I can’t be loved, that I’m too strong willed, that I’m unworthy, and I’ve had to wrestle a lot with loneliness. I’ve struggled with doubt, with fear, with heartbreak, with frustration and with an inability to see what my future holds. And all the while, I’ve come back to this concept that I shouldn’t be allowing these thoughts.

Well that’s great and nice, but what exactly am I to do with all of them? They’re real. They come from somewhere. And if I’m having them and they’re effecting me so deeply, aren’t they based on some sort of truth?

I think so very often we push these thoughts aside, trying to suppress them or pretend that they aren’t real. We shove them in a box, in a closet, tuck them away deep in our hearts and pretend they never happened. And rather than face them, we fear them. Rather than acknowledging that they exist, that these thoughts are real, we ignore them and think they’ll magically dissipate due to neglect.

This is not the answer. This is not the way we overcome. And neglect is not the victory we truly seek.

It looks differently for each person, but the challenge is to face these thoughts. Don’t hide from them. Confront them. Determine where they come from. Allow the Lord the freedom to uncover the wounds in your heart that whisper these things to you. Replace them with the truths that your Heavenly Father and your Savior speak over you each day and allow His voice to become stronger.

Right now for me, that means I write out my fears, my anxieties, and the thoughts that would hold me back. For a bit of perspective, I’ve had to write the same things out every day for the last 3 weeks. But each day, it gets easier. And after I’ve listed these things, I assign each of them a truth the Lord will bring about in my life. When I’m feeling unloved, I remember the way He loves me. When I feel unworthy, I remember that He is going to use me in spite of myself for His glory. When I feel lonely, I remember that He has promised me I will never walk alone. And though I may in that moment feel alone, I know that I am not. The thoughts are real, but so is the victory.

The girl in the story I started with didn’t have any stickers: no grey dots, no gold stars. She was able to see herself through the eyes of her creator rather than her own eyes or the eyes of the people around her. And she went back to the woodcarver every day to be reminded. It’s not a one-time fix all, as each day will bring new challenges. But a life whose value isn’t determined by the stickers is a life lived freely.