Deeper

Lately the Lord has been calling me deeper. And by that, I mean that He wants more of me, He desires to spend more time with me, to fill an even larger role in my life, etc. I want to know more of His character, to understand Him better, and to love Him on a different level, but I've realized something...

When I was in Israel, I was living the Bible in real time (or at least it felt like that). There has never been another experience like it in my life. The Lord was my entire day. I literally ate, slept, and breathed the Word and all that it meant. And to sit here in Springfield, MO and simply read the Bible just doesn't seem to compare to walking through the Old City or through the ruins of the city of Jericho or around Samaria.

The point is this: I've never felt so consistently so close to God for so long. Ever. And because that experience isn't the same here at Evangel while I walk through the daily grind of life, I'm terrified that I'll never feel that close to the Lord again. I'm afraid that I've reached the ultimate limit and the rest of my life will be spent simply remembering how close we were during that month of May 2012.

I'm afraid to go deeper because I'm afraid that my God isn't big enough.

I'm sure it sounds silly and a little immature, but when you stop and think about it this is far too often the case. How often do we stop praying the big prayers, the specific prayers, and asking for miracles? I pray passive prayers because passive prayers are "safe" prayers.

So here's to the cognitive recognition of a subconscious and illogical fear that my God isn't big enough, that I've already seen the very best of our relationship. And here's to going deeper anyways.